ENG101.12. Spring 2015. Emory University.
Here is my revised Tracing Persepolis project. I originally divided my project into two parts, tracing one and tracing two. For my revisions, I found three aspects the were similar and different for each page and divided my project based on that. My revised project is better because it has more commentary on the similarities and differences between the pages.
I had a difficult time revising more than I had creating the initial project, but it’s finally done. I was reluctant to let go some of my pieces that needed revision simply because I didn’t want to do away with the commentary, but felt there was no place for them other than where they were. It’s dense but I think it fully encompasses the work of Persepolis. Enjoy!
After taking the time to review my Tracing Persepolis project, I decided to make a few changes. With the help of my professor, David Morgen, I simplified the splash page by getting straight to the theme that I created titled “A calm before the storm”. I fixed mechanical things on my page such as the links and organization of the subpages to make it easier for my readers to understand. I changed my project from having two pages full of text. Instead, I incorporated the images(specific panels) to directly connect with the points I make in the text. Finally, I added actual sentences to the captions of my pictures instead of having it say “figure 1″. I liked how it showed the main point in a caption on Lily’s project so I decided to incorporate that in my project, especially since we chose the same pages to annotate.
In my revision of my project, Tracing Persepolis, I tried to add more physical evidence from the pages. I included an analysis of the page layout and sizes of the frames to help my arguments in certain areas, specifically under the ‘Unhappiness’ and ‘Loneliness’ pages. I think that this makes my arguments stronger as it provides physical/visual evidence as opposed to contextual evidence.
Along with this, I took a look at Lily’s project. Her analysis on the relationships between child and parent (Marji and her parents) really add a new dimension to my claims and project. I looked at the idea that Marji is very lonely and how it is evident through my pages but Lily ponders that Marjane may be the way she is because the relationship between Marjane and her parents is so separate/distant.
Although there were no major changes to my project, the small changes make the finish product more clean and put together.
After taking the time to review my Tracing Persepolis project, I decided to change several things. First off, I simplified the splash page because I thought it contained unnecessary background information. Second, I added more annotations about style to my page 133 tracing. Third, I revised my themes page and corrected my analysis of page 153. Before, the analysis was not focused directly on the themes found on the page. However, now it ties in with my analysis of page 133 and offers better insight into the themes presented on page 153. Finally, I added analysis to my style page that relates my project to another student’s. Lily’s project specifically made me think differently about my style analysis of page 153.
Here is my revised Tracing Persepolis project!
The revision process was a neat process for me. I am not one who particularly likes revising especially when it comes to reordering my work. However, the revision process of my Tracing Persepolis project was a good learning experience. My initial goal was to make a very circular project, which had a lot of general information at the beginning of each page. For the revision, I reversed the order in which the argument was presented, and therefore need less general information. I believe this made the project more closely related to the prompt, and made the objective more clear. I believe my project is still very circular, and is now more easily understood. Additionally, I spent time proof reading more carefully. My project now uses the appropriate words and reads how I imagined it. Overall, the revision process did improve my project!
The revisions for my Tracing Persepolis project are complete. First I met with Professor Morgen and watched the video he made of himself going through my project. My revision strategy for the project was to follow his advice and dive deeper into the analysis I had already established. Many of my claims were extremely broad so I went back and examined the fine details of the pages to determine what they told me. I also inserted additional visuals into some of the pages and added a short passage connecting to one of my colleague’s project. This revised version of the project is superior to the draft I had previously published because I added more thorough analysis of the different aspects of the pages that helped me form a stronger argument.
I have completed the final revisions on my Tracing Persepolis project. The most dramatic revision I made was I added another component of analysis to my project–visual patterns. This page has two subpages–the veil and the mirror. I used this component to give deeper insight on the small details of the two traced pages. Also, I cut out some of the seemly unnecessary analysis I had previously included on my other two pages–the layout and the mood. Also, my original draft was a little confusing because I intermixed mood and layout between the two pages, so I went through and tried to cut all that out so the two components were completely separate. Also, I added a picture to the splash page and imbedded a fair amount of photos onto my pages to break up the text and make the project more visually appealing.
Here is my final version of Tracing Persepolis. With help from both Professor David Morgen and my classmate Dan, I have revised my project to include a more extensive analysis within all 3 of my subpages. In my original draft, my argument was unclear and the website lacked some visual media across the board. I worked to sharpen my argument and include more pictures for this final version.